Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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