how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
