So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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