A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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