this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
