im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
