Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
