Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Randomize
