ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
