I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
