how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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