so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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