so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just pynch a tree in the face
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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