FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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