it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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