After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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