so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
