flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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