Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
