butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
