Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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