A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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