I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
