I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
