help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
