i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
