I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
