just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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