pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
