I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
