Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
