sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
