so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sext me about skeletons
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
