didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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