piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
