I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
