Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
