She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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