Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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