Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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