Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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