I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
