Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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