i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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