I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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