we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
