I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
