hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
