you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
