Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
