I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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