Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
