Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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