we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
